Archive for the ‘NEStolgia’ Category

Metroid for the NES is another monumental title I thought we’d revisit, if only because I get to mention Gunpei Yokoi. His story begins happy but unfortunately it ends tragically. Gunpei Yokoi is the father of Metroid, but that’s not the only brain child he’d given to Nintendo. Every little portable Game and Watch Machine was thought up by Mr. Yokoi. Rememeber the old clunky grey box that played 8 bit cartridges? Yes, Mr. Yokoi was instrumental in creating the original Gameboy. Unfortunately, not all his ideas were that great.

Virtual Boy, Elaborate torture device

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Punch-Out was one of Nintendo’s first endeavors in the sports game genre. It was first released on the NES as Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! in 1987. Before I dish about just how awesome this game is, a brief history lesson.

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Earthbound unbeknownst to most is not the first game in the series it is part of. The “Mother” series is huge in Japan, even if most North American and European gamers only know one of Mothers main characters, Ness from the monumental Smash Bros. series.

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Kirby’s Dream Land was released for the Nintendo Gameboy on August 1, 1992 in North America. It was the first of many Kirby titles, and established Kirby as a core Nintendo character. Before I explain why, I should tell you a neat little story, starring a young game designer and a lawyer.

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There’s much debate on what constitutes the best game of all time. At the top of most peoples lists are games like Ocarina of Time, or Super Mario World, or Doom. Notice a pattern? All console games. Hardly any list contains handheld titles.

Pictured, Gameboy, crushed that you don't take its feelings into consideration

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Remember when you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? By the way, please excuse me if this is where you’re finding it out. Santa Claus isn’t real. I wish he was, then I could finally get that Soda Fountain/Jelly Bean maker I always ask for Holiday (can you hear me, dad?!). The following is going to make you lose a little bit more of that childhood innocence, that is, unless you’ve already watched any movie with Matthew Mcconaughey, in which case, your innocence is already long gone.

Dennis Hopper, the bane of Italian Plumbers everywhere

Super Mario Bros 2, or how it’s known Nippon-side, Super Mario Bros 2 U.S.A isn’t technically a Mario game. You heard me kid, it’s not really a Mario game. Mario was never meant to share the spotlight with three other people/whatever the hell Toad is. Mario was never meant to hurl vegetables at enemies. And most of all, Mario was never meant to fight some guy names Wart. Mario beats up on reptiles, not amphibians. Oh, and Dennis Hopper.

Doki Doki Panic is the games real name. Super Mario Bros. 2 U.S.A. is nothing more than a pallete swap. Consider the following evidence:

Title Comparison

Player Select Comparison

The Coup de Gras

Now that I’ve gotten rid of what little childhood innocence you had left, let’s rundown a few of the basics of SMB2. In SMB2, Mario and friends travel to the land of Subcon, a land of dreams. Unfortunately, this place has been recently taken over by the evil Frog King Wart. Mario and friends must now fight through eight worlds to defeat Wart, and his army of transvestite dino’s. Dear God, I wish that last part wasn’t true.

When a Birdo winks at you, run away. Fast.

The game was almost drastically different from its predecessor. Instead of power ups to help you along the way, Mario and pals had veggies. No, they didn’t eat them to gain the vitamins and nutrients needed for the Italian plumber on the go. Instead, they threw them at enemies. Studies show that throwing vegetables at enemies not only hurt them physically, but also do a great deal to discourage them. Wart, the main antagonist is deathly allergic to them. Why he hangs around a machine that spews out his kryptonite is beyond me.

Each of the playable characters has different stats, adding to the variety of the game. Mario, as per usual, is well-rounded character. Luigi is slightly weaker than his brother, but has a better jumping ability. Peach is extremely weak, but she has the ability to hover in the air for a few seconds. Toad has the worst jump stats, but makes up for it in strength and speed. This is the first game to set stats for Mario characters, some that have carried over into other Nintendo games. Mario is usually the well –rounded character in any game he’s in, from Mario Tennis to Smash Bros. Luigi always has a higher jumping ability and low traction. Peach is still famous for her ability to float, and throwing veggies is one of her special moves in Smash Bros. As for Toad, anyone who’s ever played a Mario Kart can tell you that he’s just about the zippiest character to choose from.

So how does the game stack up? Well for one thing, the game is hard. Not Majoras Mask hard, but rather the classic difficulty all old games used to have. The visuals are lackluster, not because of the NES’s capabilities, but because of how they stack up with the remakes….

Super Mario All-Stars included a version of Super Mario Bros. 2 on it with updated graphics. However, the GBA version, Super Mario Advance is clearly the best pick when it comes to getting your Super Mario Bros. 2 fix. Not only does the game look nicer than the original, but it’s added extras. Voices for the playable characters and the bosses were added. Instead of puny veggies, every so often the players stumble upon a giant veggie, capable of taking out tons of enemies with one throw. And those that beat the game, get an extra challenge at the end: beating the game once more, and finding the two hidden Yoshi eggs in every level, adding a considerable amount of replay value. So is Super Mario Bros. 2 a bad game? Heavens, no. However, it is a big bag of lies.

You got some 'splainin to do you cheeky little genius