I’m a sucker for Mario merchandise. Now of course, there’s the usual stuffed animals, collectable coins, and the occasional t-shirt, but as far as I’m concerned, the gold standard of Mario merchandise is food. It makes sense. I love Mario. I love to eat. What’s better than eating Mario?

Eww. What just happened? Let’s ignore it, and continue. I love Mario themed food. Unfortunately, I wasn’t around when most of it was popular. Here’s some of the awesome food that bore Mario’s face.

Nintendo: It’s a cereal wow! No really, it’s pretty impressive. The Nintendo Cereal System included 2 different cereals, fruity and berry. Notice the weird, almost Philips CDi looking Mario and Link on the box. Unfortunately, I’ve never tried this cereal, and considering it’s older than I am, a box bought off Ebay probably wouldn’t taste too good. Still, two cereals in one? Crazy!

When Super Mario World came out in 1990, Shasta made four different Mario Sodas. Flavors included Mario Punch, Luigi Berry, Princess Toadstool Cherry, and Yoshi Apple. Unfortunately, each can only contained about 236 milliliters; I’d have to drink like seven to keep me hydrated during long gameplay sessions. These more than anything is something I’d love to Shasta bring back. “Game Fuel” can’t be the only drink aimed at Gamers. I’d rather drink cat urine than whatever Mountain Dew makes, dyes purple, and calls “Fuel.” Maybe it’s gasoline. It would explain a lot.

Earlier today I heard my ice cream man pull around the corner. I ran downstairs like a giddy ten year old, and flashed some crumpled up dollars. Luckily, he was a reputable ice cream man, and had some Super Mario Bros. Bars in stock. I took two.  Lemon and Cherry sorbet, frozen in the shape of the plumbers face, and the finisher, a gumball for a nose. My favorite ice cream bar since I first had it. Glad to see this baby is still in mass circulation. I only wish I could cut out the middle man and buy a box of these at Safeway.

For those of you without taste buds, there’s Super Mario Kraft Dinner. I’ve had Kraft Macaroni and Cheese many times before, and I can say, even cute little Mario shapes can’t make up for the creepy, noxious neon orange “cheese” sauce. Mario Pasta however would be awesome. Perhaps served with a mushroom ragu?

What kind of Mario food would you like to see? Personally, I’ll take anything I can get.

One Response to “Eat Mario – The Bevy of Edible Mario Merchandise”