Alright, I think it’s that time again, for me, PrettyManFairy, fervent Nintendo Fanboy, snappy dresser, and all round swell guy, to take off my fanboy goggles. As much as I love Nintendo first party titles, there are some games that just didn’t pass the mustard. Are these bad games? Heck no. But they are the worst of their kind.

The Virtual Boy had it's strengths....

Kirby’s Air Ride was not only a failed attempt at something grand; it also ruined my fourteenth birthday. Imagine someone getting their hands on a new multiplayer game, inviting all his friends over to try it with him for the first time. Imagine unwrapping the game, anxious for the fun that will await him and his group of friends. Continue please, imagining, him holding the small proprietary Gamecube disc for all his friends to bask in its glory, as if it were Pan the goat god. Then, imagine the group of teens, questioning their friendship to the birthday boy after an hour of tepid gameplay.

Not as fun as it looks

Kirby’s Air Ride was just that: meh. It might have been inspired, but the execution was so poor nothing seemed to work as well as you wanted it to. It would have been much better if it were a Mario Kart knockoff. But this game isn’t anywhere near that game. Any game that makes playing as Meta Knight boring is doing something terribly wrong.

Metroid 2: The Return of Samus, is Samus’s first venture on a portable gaming system. It’s virtually unplayable. Samus just doesn’t work with limited color. You need more than various shades of grey to pull off Samus. When you can’t tell the difference between a plasma beam and an ice beam you know you’re in trouble. When you see your health going down, but can’t see where your enemy is attacking from because it’s so dark, you know you’re in trouble. I remember finding a used copy of Metroid 2 at Gamestop, back in the GBA days, excited to try it. After about an hour with the game, I wanted my money back. There had to be a better way…..

I hope you're listening Nintendo....

A color version titled Metroid II: Return of Samus DX was announced in 1999, but unfortunately, it never came to fruition. Since Gameboy titles are short in length, a WiiWare or DSiWare Remake would be ideal for this unreleased game. Hint, hint, Nintendo.

The Adventures of Link is the black sheep of the Zelda series, as it favors a more platforming gameplay than the usual action RPG series. The gameplay is, well, weird. I’m reluctant to even call it a Zelda game. He jumps, for Miyamoto’s sake. There are no weapons, other than your sword and shield, and the combat system is awkward to say the least. The prince of darkness, Ganon, arguably the best video game villain ever, is completely absent, only getting a passing mention. I suppose I should say a few nice things about it, less I incite violence. It introduced NPC’s. It was the first Zelda to feature Shadow Link. Oh, and most importantly, there hasn’t been another Zelda like it made.

Super Mario Sunshine is the worst Mario game ever. There, I said it. I wanted to make the delivery quick and painless. Now, I can hear you yelling right now, “But what about Mario is Missing? What about Mario Teaches Typing? What about Hotel Mario?” I don’t think anyone considers them Mario games. REAL Mario games. Super Mario Sunshine is cannon, and many still consider it a great game, and one of the Gamecube’s best. Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people.

Water, neccessary for life, and the calling card of a bad game

The game shouldn’t even be considered a Mario game. All of the “innovative” elements of the game could have been given to just about any other character. Instead, they were given to a character that had already been developed over many years. The entire game is a water level. Water levels are always the worst part of every game, need I remind you, the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time. Why would you make an entire game a water level? I supposed it makes sense, your little Super Soaker needs to be constantly refilled with water to work. Where are my cool power-ups? Where are my awesome boss battles, that don’t involve me getting the boss in question wet? Is there anyway I can make Bowser Jr. go away, and replace him with one or more of the Koopalings? Is there anyway, anyway at all, that I can take this stupid water gun off my back and make this game into “Super Mario 64 2?” No? That’s a shame. I guess there’s only one thing to do now. Put down the controller and hate.

Phew, alright, enough bad mouthing, time for me to put my fanboy goggles back one. Are the above games bad? Perhaps not. But they are the worst of the best. What are your least favorite Nintendo games?

You got some 'splainin to do young man

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